more love hours than can ever be repaid

although I have not yet delivered a baby, I have been making progress on that giant list of THINGS I REALLY NEED AND WANT TO DO. high on the top of that list is writing and sending thank you notes for this past year (mainly for the wedding and the multiple wonderful baby showers our very kind friends and family threw for us). it's amazing and embarrassing that I still haven't gotten those notes done from November (Gavin finished his part of the wedding thank-yous months ago).

the problem is not that I'm not grateful. it's that I'm overwhelmed by gratitude, so blown away by the kindness of people around us that I don't know exactly how to communicate my appreciation. I write thank yous in my head all the time, finding the perfect way to express myself, but I'm intimidated somehow when it comes to writing it down in pen on paper. so I put it off, do nothing, and keep obsessing over it.

part of the problem is that I feel like we've been the recipients of SO MUCH kindness this past year that I don't know how I will ever be able to pay it back. don't get me wrong--I know people weren't expecting any kind of "pay back," but I'd really love to do kind and sweet and thoughtful things for others, the way they have for us. I hope to have the opportunity to, though I know life is not always balanced.

which brings me to parenting. in a weird way, this is one of the reasons I want to be a mother. my parents gave me so much--so much love, so much grace--and I know realistically that you don't ever really give that back to your parents. which brings me to the (stolen) title of this post. it's the name of an art piece I fell in love with over a decade ago, which, through the wonders of the internet you can see for yourself. you can never "repay" those love hours, but you can "pay it forward" to your own children in full knowledge that your relationship with them will be just as unbalanced as your parents' relationship to you. and you can rest secure in the notion that that is just fine.